Sunday, November 4, 2012

Wanted: Agent

By Kimberly Johnson

Dear Classified Ads Manager at the Daily Bugle:

My television script is going to be the next big thing, you know.  I’ll move to Hollywood and live in the Hills.  I‘ll write for the hit dramas like Mad Men, Law & Order, CSI

I have one problem.  I don’t know the first thing about an agent or how to secure one.  I’m going to need some space for Friday’s newspaper.  Here’s what my ad will look like.  Look it over and tell me what you think:

Wanted:  Someone who represents my interests and to sell my novice TV script to the networks 
and cable. 

Young, aspiring author wants an intelligent and dynamic hipster who will sell my script to reputable outlets.   You need to represent yourself in a straightforward manner.  Police dramas like CSI and Castle are my specialty.  I want someone who knows the market and can put my script in the hands of the right people. I want someone who is a shrewd negotiator and is up-to-date with the film, TV and foreign contract rights.  I want you to return my calls and emails once we’ve signed on.  I want someone who is excited about my work.  After receiving feedback from the SC Writers Workshop, I am ready to work with a professional who sees the big picture and can offer positive feedback.

Here’s what I don’t want from you:
  • ·        Promising me a rose garden about selling my script to production companies like ABC Entertainment and HBO Films. (Apologies to Lynn Anderson)
  • ·         Giving me dirty laundry such as double-dealing about what you can do for me, discussing important ideas without telling me. (Sorry about that Don Henley)
  • ·         Telling me lies, sweet little lies to keep me on your roster, such as “I have a contact at NBC.”  “Let me schedule lunch with some heavyweights so they can take a look, too.”  (Forgive me Fleetwood Mac).

So, Mr. Classified Ads Manager, do you think an agent will respond to my ad? 


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